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A while ago I read an article, about the difficulties of travelling that nobody really talks about: coming home. The writer said that it is incredible to travel, to meet new people, change, grow, learn about the world and you know, all the things that happen to you when you travel. Especially alone. But what nobody talks about is how hard it is to actually come home. Perhaps if you haven’t travelled much before, imagine; you meet all your friends after being away, you have changed SO much (let’s say you’ve been on some sort of retreat or jungle or whatever), they tell you all about what happened to them, but they can’t really grasp what happened to you, internally. On the outside they see your tan, your bruises, your new clothes or fancy words, but on the inside it’s hard to understand since they didn’t follow you day by day, and suddenly, you’re this whole new person… And you feel misunderstood, maybe a bit lonely, and suddenly you have to jump into work again to make a living. After coming home from India all jetlagged, I had so much stress with finding a place to live, and then I worked the VERY NEXT DAY..! Didn’t even get any sort of break. So I’ve noticed that coming home is hard, but it is also hard because all the responsibilities fall on you, and the pressure of working as a freelances is HUGE! You don’t have a stable schedule (I often work at night and then again early morning), working several jobs (even if they are all things I love doing) to make ends meet, the stress of not having anything then suddenly having no time to even eat because in fear of no work I didn’t say no to anything and now have too much! People wanting freebies or paying very little, not having time to train on my own stuff, no free time even on free days to take a break in my head, no sick-pay, etc… Truly, I wouldn’t have it any other way! <3 But the beauty in being self employed is also that I can go wherever I want, whenever I want. It’s my responsibility that I survive, but I can still do literally anything. It is amazing! So on that note, I am leaving.  Of course this post requiers a black&white dramatic photo. What did you expect? Don’t cry! It’ll all be alright! I’ve actually noticed I can’t really get out of “work mode, so I might as well flow with it! So while I will be away in other countries or places, sporadically and impulsively changing direction, I’ll still be working gigs and doing what I love! Without the “stable”(not really stable) jobs keeping me here, I’ll be able to sew more costumes, train and get better at ALL the many things I do, travel and gain experience, go on training camps, workshops and such around the world, do experiments, be in nature, treat my body to good stuff (It could really use some time off and a few dozen massages), find opportunities to collaborate with new people, teach workshops, do gigs and street performances, and really build a stable ground for myself as a performer, artist and person! It is very important to know what you want and need, and to go for it! Otherwise you're living someone elses dream, and the less you are yourself the less you are helping you or anyone else. Be true to yourself, go forwards in life! I want to grow and develop, I want to do many of the things needed before I focus on constant gigs again (like getting a driver’s license, or finally make that belly dance costume I drew a design for 2 years ago) and also, I need to recharge. To see the world. You have no idea (or maybe you do, who am I to judge you?) how much goes into being self-employed, or how much goes into being a stable person overall. Some things are needed as ground, so I don’t stress out about unimportant things. Or, don’t stress at all, it seems like I’m in such a hurry to get to the point where I can sit on my ass and let the gigs roll in! HAHA But that takes time, and practice, and courage. So far, my schedule looks like this:
If you have any bookings, in the countries I’ll be in or other ones I can really go anywhere and do anything, contact me! I’m really looking forward to this. Can’t wait <3 SO EXCITED!!! I may complain about the stresses of freelancing, but really, it is problems I enjoy solving, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I just need some rest. And I hope you understand how much I will change as a person on my journeys, when I finally do come home. Or settle down somewhere else, one never knows! Love and light <3
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October 2019
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