I got some video material from a small gig/festival I was playing around at - I'd say psytrance goes really well together with firespinning!
Hemsöborna is over.
You’re on vacation! HURRAY!
Well, not exactly. Not for me at least.
The actors I’ve worked with the past months at city theatre in Stockholm (Kulturhuset Stadsteatern) are employed full-time, so they get vacation pay all through summer. But I sort-of have vacation too, partly, while I’ll be travelling, but I will also be performing and working on projects and other stuff whenever time is right.
Either way, a few words of goodbye to my fellow co-workers from this theatre play… it has been absolutely beautiful!
I am so honored to have worked with these professional actors, make up artists, technicians, costume people, sound, light, and others who all are not just incredible at what they do, but also great people.
I personally have not worked very well in group. Ever. Or even with one or two people in a group. I am the only child, the solo, the one in charge and not wanting to share. As a child I did hammer throwing, judo, dance (mostly solos), 400m track, even in handball I was a goalie!
But this has opened me up to so much more! I have worked tremendleously well with these people, they really care about one another, joke around, sing… theatre people are a completely different breed; one just feels truly accepted and can let go amongst them! And I feel like I was able to do that.
So play is now over… it feels quite empty. I feel the need to go back, to do more, like I could have done EVEN more!
Being on that stage, though it wasn’t many tasks or a big role, has been amazing. Somehow I felt completely calm, but excited and a feeling of home, when entering the stage for the 12th or 37th time and doing the same thing, over and over. It was soothing. In the second act, there’s a point where we all sit at a table, and the light shines so bright on the white tablecloth I cannot see beyond it… I just see black, only imagining that there actually is 300-700 people sitting there.
Not only that - I was in a classical play, "big theatre", which I really love!
But, as one of the actresses said – now there’s panic! Every time she finished a play she was afraid she would never be on stage again - but here she was, working on the big stage, and with two more plays to come!
So of course I will be on stage again. I'm just not used to saying goodbye to people I've worked so well with, for such a long time....
Working at Stadsteatern has been a blast, I am so grateful! And I truly hope I get to work with you again, or that this leads to more awesome jobs like this one, where I can continue doing what I love, and feeling at home with the ones I work with!
I’m gonna miss every single one of you.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Now this job is over, and around 21 000 people have come and seen us play!
Can’t wait for what happens next ^^
Love and light <3
A while ago I read an article, about the difficulties of travelling that nobody really talks about: coming home.
The writer said that it is incredible to travel, to meet new people, change, grow, learn about the world and you know, all the things that happen to you when you travel. Especially alone.
But what nobody talks about is how hard it is to actually come home.
Perhaps if you haven’t travelled much before, imagine; you meet all your friends after being away, you have changed SO much (let’s say you’ve been on some sort of retreat or jungle or whatever), they tell you all about what happened to them, but they can’t really grasp what happened to you, internally. On the outside they see your tan, your bruises, your new clothes or fancy words, but on the inside it’s hard to understand since they didn’t follow you day by day, and suddenly, you’re this whole new person…
And you feel misunderstood, maybe a bit lonely, and suddenly you have to jump into work again to make a living. After coming home from India all jetlagged, I had so much stress with finding a place to live, and then I worked the VERY NEXT DAY..! Didn’t even get any sort of break.
So I’ve noticed that coming home is hard, but it is also hard because all the responsibilities fall on you, and the pressure of working as a freelances is HUGE!
You don’t have a stable schedule (I often work at night and then again early morning), working several jobs (even if they are all things I love doing) to make ends meet, the stress of not having anything then suddenly having no time to even eat because in fear of no work I didn’t say no to anything and now have too much! People wanting freebies or paying very little, not having time to train on my own stuff, no free time even on free days to take a break in my head, no sick-pay, etc…
Truly, I wouldn’t have it any other way! <3
But the beauty in being self employed is also that I can go wherever I want, whenever I want. It’s my responsibility that I survive, but I can still do literally anything. It is amazing!
So on that note, I am leaving.
Of course this post requiers a black&white dramatic photo. What did you expect?
Don’t cry! It’ll all be alright!
I’ve actually noticed I can’t really get out of “work mode, so I might as well flow with it!
So while I will be away in other countries or places, sporadically and impulsively changing direction, I’ll still be working gigs and doing what I love!
Without the “stable”(not really stable) jobs keeping me here, I’ll be able to sew more costumes, train and get better at ALL the many things I do, travel and gain experience, go on training camps, workshops and such around the world, do experiments, be in nature, treat my body to good stuff (It could really use some time off and a few dozen massages), find opportunities to collaborate with new people, teach workshops, do gigs and street performances, and really build a stable ground for myself as a performer, artist and person!
It is very important to know what you want and need, and to go for it! Otherwise you're living someone elses dream, and the less you are yourself the less you are helping you or anyone else. Be true to yourself, go forwards in life!
I want to grow and develop, I want to do many of the things needed before I focus on constant gigs again (like getting a driver’s license, or finally make that belly dance costume I drew a design for 2 years ago) and also, I need to recharge. To see the world.
You have no idea (or maybe you do, who am I to judge you?) how much goes into being self-employed, or how much goes into being a stable person overall. Some things are needed as ground, so I don’t stress out about unimportant things. Or, don’t stress at all, it seems like I’m in such a hurry to get to the point where I can sit on my ass and let the gigs roll in! HAHA
But that takes time, and practice, and courage.
So far, my schedule looks like this:
If you have any bookings, in the countries I’ll be in or other ones I can really go anywhere and do anything, contact me!
I’m really looking forward to this. Can’t wait <3
I may complain about the stresses of freelancing, but really, it is problems I enjoy solving, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I just need some rest.
And I hope you understand how much I will change as a person on my journeys, when I finally do come home. Or settle down somewhere else, one never knows!
Love and light <3
Crazy weekend, yayy!
I wish I could say I was free this weekend.
Or… I actually don’t think I wish that! I love doing what I do, I just wish I had more rest, haha.
Even when I am off work I still work, because I always have some stuff with the company, training, learning, gluing, planning or whatever. SOON I will be off for a while…
Anyway; Thursday, Friday Saturday Sunday we played “Hemsöborna” at the city theatre, now we only got 3 performances left, whaaat!
Friday night I was doing a fire performance at Slaugtherhouse Area festival, where celebrity DJ:s such as Neelix, Vini-Vici and Infected Mushroom played. Amazing!
All tired and worn out I dragged my feet home for a few hours sleep after several hours of sober stomping to progressive psytrance......
The next day was the Peace&Love parade!
It is a huge, beautiful event, when people come all dressed up, giving hugs, dancing, juggling, playing instruments and spreading love and happiness all over!
AMAZING people, so much love to you all <3
Even my ex dressed up (almost) hippe, with glitter on his face ^_^ Applause for that!
Afterwards we ate Ethiopian food with our hands, it was so delicious you HAVE TO try it sometime!
So obviously after that my feet were all numb, and also playing theatre in the evening.... I was out of energy.
SO I just went home to sleep, no rave that night .
The next day went by quite fast; with a lot of paperwork on my company and looking through some new stuff I'm gonna order, costumes and such (super excited!), then theatre again in the evening.
Today was a chill day, with an hour of strength workout and then me going home, to the quiet apartment, cutting my hair tips and taking it slow....
So now I'm sitting here, still with banana pieces in my hair from my all-natural hair pack, enjoying the fact that - in less than two weeks I'll be in Israel! WOHOOOOOOO!!!
More on that soon....
Love and light <3
P.S. I forgot to post this yesterday, so Sweden - happy national day!! :D
.... and, you know,
all the other things that would interest you if you're a fan, if you like my writing, or if you are a pontential employer/client for whom it is important to know if I am a republican or if I eat bacon every day.Fortunately for you, I am/do neither. Bacon is not healthy.