At the moment I’ve done the performance in Stockholm at RANGG Open Air Color festival, photos coming up soon!
It’s 09:20 now as I’m writing this, and I am incredibly excited because I’ve done 1 h of tantric yoga and had breakfast already, and still have energy THIS EARLY to do stuff, even though I went to sleep after midnight.
I have wanted to come here for three years, and finally I am here, invited, a guest, a teacher!! I AM SO HONOURED!
Ängsbacka Tantra festival has started out amazing. Three miles north of Molkom, a small city/village in county of Värmland in Sweden, is where my longer journey through 3 festival has started. There’s just something about this place… I already feel at home, though a newbie and not quite with it yet, I’ve decided to let go of all discomfort, of all worries and prejudices, and just be open to every new experience that comes my way.
This is day 2 for me, and this is my breakfast:
Even though it looks a bit gross, it's absolutley lovely!
For the whole week I don’t have to spend a dime, I get food (local produced and organic vegetarian/vegan meals), I got the top bunk in a 4 people dorm room with 3 other teachers, and all I will do is go to workshops, eat, relax, sleep, teach my workshops, dance and just enjoy the beautiful nature and energy that is vibrating on this festival.
Yesterday, perhaps… I think I had one of the strongest experiences of my life.
I arrived, got my room, got to know the first two lovely teachers that I live with (a couple from California), and went to dinner, still feeling a bit uncomfortable. It felt like every teacher knew each other from previous years, they were all much older and more experienced, and here I was – a newbie at this sort of festival, trying to find the comfort to actually talk to people and express myself. Difficult questions started arising, like; how long is a hug “supposed” to be, why are we hugging so long, is this real life or is this just fantasy… sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself.
So after that I took a walk around the venue and took some photos, you can see them down at the bottom of this post!
At 20:00 there was a teachers meeting for those who had already arrived, and of course I went there. The main organizer, Lin, had put out matrasses like an island in the middle of the big room, and all the teachers sat down in a circle. Lin greeted me with the warmest, happiest of hugs, and immediately I felt even more welcome!
I thought the meeting was gonna be like a normal “get to know each other and here’s some info papers” meeting, but Lin started it by saying that one person will start asking another person a question they’re curious about, and for that person also to say who they are and what they do at the festival. And then that person answering would pick the next person, and another question they were curious about.
Interestingly enough, everyone answered truthfully. I had never witnessed anything like it! Whatever question the person got they shared, and the questions varied from “what is your favorite form of movement?” to “tell us something you don’t want us to know!” or “what makes your juices flow?”
Very intimate, very bonding and beautiful, I came to embrace and enjoy this open communication. Jokes were made, people laughing from their heart, and it was all just… wow.
The least serious meeting I have ever been to, but the best one!
Sometime after halfway through all the people, all of us started loosening up, some laying down, some giving or receiving massage, and just enjoying each other! A couple women were shamelessly moaning in pleasure, and I could feel myself caring less and less, feeling more and more comfortable. All fully clothed, of course.
When the meeting was adjourned, one of the men who had been massaging called me over to sit in front of him. Of course I went! Who says no to a massage?!
It stared out as an incredibly painful deep tissue massage in my neck and shoulders, then further on to my back, he asked me to lay down on my back and massaged/stretched my feet and legs, and so the pressure he pushed with onto my soles was so great, and the pain so severe and deep, I had no choice but to breathe even deeper and let out some noise.
When he went on further to my thighs and stomach, I felt my arms getting tingly as if they were falling asleep. I tried to move my hands a bit, didn’t help. I might as well give into it…
Then he started to push into my solar plexus really REALLY hard and painfully, as I breathed deeply and held my breath (because I could not breathe literally, and because it was so painful) I focused on getting that pain out into my body, to turn it into pleasure. I breathed deeper, and felt a sort of weird unfamiliar pleasure go through my body…
Short thereafter, another man who also did massage came and stood over me, as he pushed his fingers inbetween my ribs on my back and dropped me down, repeatedly, the first man thrust his hands in my solar plexus and lower belly. The pain was unbearable, but at the same time the tinglies spread all over my body, to my face, head, arms, legs, back…
I just gave in to it completely. It was like a full body orgasm yet not in my private parts, just the rest of my body, all of my body equally!
I didn’t care if I moaned or screamed, didn’t care how I looked to other people or that two older men were digging their fingers into my muscles; I was in heaven. (Still, might I add, fully clothed and no intimate parts were touched)
For a good half our afterwards I could barley walk. It was absoutley amazing… my muscles had relaxed, and my mind was in a state of pure pleasure. And to top it all of I went to the sauna, altering sweating in a group of naked people and ice cold showers, and sitting on the lawn outside with a thermos-cup full of spicy chai.
I truly understand how this festival and this sort of experience can feel weird for many people, and it did for me at first too before I allowed myself to let go. I’m still learning to let go of control, and just learn new things and enjoy…
Soon I’ll get there, and I truly recommend everyone to go to one of these gatherings. I already know I’ll come back next year one way or another!
More updates coming up soon, during or probably after the festival, since I’ll dive head first into all of this now.
I got performances to do, workshops to teach, Open Stages to host!
And I am SO EXCITED!!
Love and light, fully awake!
.... and, you know,
all the other things that would interest you if you're a fan, if you like my writing, or if you are a pontential employer/client for whom it is important to know if I am a republican or if I eat bacon every day.Fortunately for you, I am/do neither. Bacon is not healthy.