So, many of you probably know the feelings of detoxing. Or, the feelings when you’re missing someone. Or when you’re hungry, everyone has been hungry right??
When you experience any of these feelings or those similar to it, it is essentially the feeling of loss. Something good or bad it does not matter, but it feels like something is missing, something is not enough, the feeling of need to have it to be happy or move on with our lives! It can both be a beautiful and terrifying feeling, both rejuvenating and depleting, and when that feeling goes deeper it’s even more intense…
I was gonna write a post about me visiting 4 countries in 2,5 weeks – Netherlands performing at Psy-Fi festival and challenging myself with the 3rd festival in a row, Belgium for a couple of days relaxing, hitchhiking to Paris for one crazy day, and then hitchhiking further on to London for even deeper spiritual development, in the presence of this intense city and people who have a deep impact on me. All of these experiences were beautiful, crazy, and so good for my personal development!
But this being the journey directly after Tantra Festival at Ängsbacka (one of the most intense experiences of my life!), and getting a horrible cold before working at Forest Star festival (right before heading directly to the airport to fly to Holland), just made it even more intense.
Believe this or not, my consciousness has been expanding more and more every day on this journey, these past 5 weeks, understanding life more and understanding the fact that we have absolutely no idea what we are doing! We just got to find our way and roll with it, do what does most good and most fun to us and those around.
My empathetic abilities and intuition increased, I have gained more knowledge of things, and just… wow it’s just too much to process. You’ve got to be here to experience it.
And now, I’m having spiritual detox symptoms.
I can’t just be talking about all the positive glittery stuff in life, right? Have to mention and be open about the rough patches too, and this is merely a small part of it.
I’m always good with detoxes (except rawfood diet, gave up on that after 3,5 days, it was awful… lol), especially the shorter more intense ones. I do get symptoms but I know that out of pain and suffering arises all the good stuff, and I always pull through. Yet this time, I have such a hard time!
As soon as I landed in Gothenburg from London, I felt irritation. I was angry at everything and everyone, so annoyed for the slightest misstep, it was so intense! I was shaking with fury, over seemingly nothing!
On and off I have been having sudden spurts of emotions, mood swings, crazy ideas, my memory is worse, stomach is weird and I’m still coughing. Still, the process of me getting rid of my fears, my old prejudices and views, my traumas, is still going…!
Of course I'm still doing my performances and job very well, but inside there's a chaos.
According to the more experienced spiritual practitioners, this is the body trying to get rid of everything that is wrong for it, everything that is ego and no longer serves me. But my oh my it is hard!
And the weirdest thing is, I have been craving meat.
I’ve been vegetarian with occasional seafood fish for about a year, and yet now suddenly without any shame in my body I had cravings for:
When one is detoxing or just really hungry, you just grab the first thing there is! Because you crave, because your body doesn’t like this feeling, you need to fix it, cover it up, numb it!
And that’s exactly what’s happening now, I have such a hard time stopping it.
My body is fighting a poison!
It’s like the old me is hating this change, like she is pushing against, fighting anything new or mind-expanding or better for me with stupid never-ending stream of stupid thoughts and occasionally shutting down my brain so I can get an extra piece of butterscotch without even noticing. The new me has to fight the old one, it wasn’t enough to go through all these changes, now I have to be back in my home base and keep fighting her?! Was all this time and digging with both hands in my wounds not enough??
If you who are reading this can relate to or understand what I’m going through and wish to support or help out, please leave a comment or mail or anything. It would be greatly appreciated!
Meanwhile I will eat some watermelon instead of reaching for that chocolate.
And I will rally, of course I will! It's already getting better after two weeks of this roller-coaster (and no I know you're thinking it but it's not hormones), and I just have to push through it as always.
I will stay true to myself, and do what I know in my heart is best for me and my self development.
Love and dance <3
.... and, you know,
all the other things that would interest you if you're a fan, if you like my writing, or if you are a pontential employer/client for whom it is important to know if I am a republican or if I eat bacon every day.Fortunately for you, I am/do neither. Bacon is not healthy.